A Week for the Sisterhood

It hasn't been a hugely prolific reading week for me. I listened to more of the Brothers Grimm book and crept a little farther in Clash of Kings. Since my deadline, I've had a little bit of time to catch up on the TV I missed and one of those shows is Bunheads, a show I didn't plan on liking but which I actually love because it feels like a quick and sweet YA contemp with awesome dialogue. Some parts definitely annoy me (I love Boo but the way they write her neuroses feels a little inauthentic) but I am enjoying it more and more with every episode.

Anyway, this week I've been pining for a book with a similar amount of witty fun, smart girls, and well-rendered (if low-stakes) drama. I struck on The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants--a perfect book for the start of summer. I first read it in the spring of freshman year, during tennis season.

This was the only photo I could find from freshman year tennis. Oh, the bangs! Oh, the uniforms! You can tell I was on JV because only the varsity girls got official uniforms, and us lower classes were stuck with cheapo t-shirts. My school's colors were orange and black. Everything I have from those years looks Halloween-themed.

What's cool about this picture is that I know, in my backpack sitting under the benches beside the tennis courts, was a copy of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I loved that book. I remember getting so sucked in to the story. I hadn't read a ton of contemporary YA (I was pretty much still all about fantasy and historical fiction) but this one spoke to me. I remember one tennis practice when it rained and a few of my friends sat inside the school doors waiting for the rain to stop. I read Sisterhood, the others talked, and one sang songs from The Little Mermaid (she was interesting--in a good way). 

This definitely could be one of those books that doesn't survive the passage of time well, but I'm finding it really delightful. Some people have criticized the girls' perfectly diverse personalities and interests (Lena paints, Carmen likes acting, Bee is an athlete, Tibby makes movies) but that doesn't bother me in these books. Maybe that's because I fell in love with them such a long time ago that they feel like real people to me, and I accept their flaws (and inaccuracies) without a second thought. And the writing is objectively great. There are so many moments where I've been like, "Wow, this is just good." One scene in particular that I love is the one where Tibby goes to Bailey's house (Bailey is a little girl with cancer who Tibby meets at her awful summer job at a drug store) and Bailey is lashing out at Tibby just to get a reaction, but Tibby doesn't want to be her confrontational self because she's just found out Bailey has leukemia. The dialogue is witty and sad, and brings both of those characters to life. 

I love the sense of optimism in these books. It's something I can't even really track to a certain move the author makes. I think it's just a general acceptance of the characters on the author's part. She is generous. She treats them with dignity. She understands their flaws and mistakes, but doesn't paint them precisely negatively. I think she understands that mistakes are how we grow. A mistake for a teenager who's just striking out in the world isn't really a mistake. There's no proselytizing, no moral statements the author is trying to play out for the benefit of readers at the expense of the characters. 

An example of this is when Lena goes to Greece to visit her grandparents and gets set up with this boy, Kostos. We know she's going to end up with him, and we also really like him from the start, but Lena is wary and the idea of being set up makes her really uncomfortable. So, Lena does everything she can to avoid Kostos. She's probably a little "anti-social" about it, but the author doesn't present this choice with any judgement, nor does she wink at the reader and foreshadow that Lena will eventually come around. Lena's choice is hers. 

Re-reading this book has been a good learning experience because I have, and probably always will, write characters that make poor choices and operate under a potentially faulty world view. I think the key is to write their struggles as humanely as possible.

What did you read this week?

The New Normal

I am officially this close to finishing the school year. I can taste summer. I can sense it like a coming storm, except instead of sleet and hail, this storm will rain down sunshine and road trips and deleting the alarm set for 5:00 a.m. from my phone. I will miss my students like crazy, of course, and not seeing them everyday will feel like something very big and important is missing, but that's usually tempered by the fact that they run out of school on the last day like this:

The end of a school year tends to make me all kinds of nostalgic. I've been thinking a lot about how life is different now compared to the beginning of the year. Since my goals for writing are basically the same as my goals for life in general, the changes have arranged my world into something completely new. And it's different in many expected ways, but it's also surprisingly the same.

I swear I haven't watched that many extreme makeover-type TV shows, but for some reason that seems like the most apt metaphor. It's like they say about people who drastically change their appearance (plastic surgery, losing weight, etc): Just because you've changed on the outside, doesn't mean anything is different inside. I think that's also true of writing. You advance through various stages of your career and accomplish new things, but you still have the baggage you toted around when you first started out. The doubt, the self-esteem issues, the worry. Getting an agent, getting published--it can't change those things (at least not without effort).

The writing life has gotten easier in some ways. My mind is no longer preoccupied with querying. It's amazing how much mental energy that consumed (but, I also kind of enjoyed the concreteness of the query/wait/write cycle. I always felt like I was advancing toward my goals). Also, my mind is able to imagine a greater future for my writing beyond the pursuit of an agent. There used to be this wall up in my mind that stopped me from thinking about anything beyond that.

That wall is down now, but with it comes an entire new set of anxieties and fears. Now, the future is a big, wide-open place where anything could happen to me or my books. It's so very easy to be self-defeating and dismissive. It's oddly easier than ever to question the validity and worth of what I'm offering. I know this is backward. It's also something I've got to fight because it's poison. 

For me, the treatment for this kind of thing is two-fold: 

1) control your own thoughts
It's super easy for me to imagine the worst-case scenarios and call it "being realistic." I saw this quote recently, and it struck home, not because I've had many people undermine my dreams in the name of realism, but because I have, and still do all the time. 

2) focus on the work
If I control only what I can control (that being the writing), and remind myself constantly that I can't control all of these various hypotheticals, my brain is happier. 

Sunken Treasure, Cyborgs, and Fairy Tales

It has been a fairy tale-infused week for me! I had a lot of fun with the books I read this week. 

I listened to the first half of Fairy Tales from the Brothers Grimm on audio and decided I needed to own a copy. The physical book is absolutely beautiful, and the insides are pretty great, too. As a fairy tale buff, this collection of 50 Grimm tales is fascinating and hugely enjoyable. They've been retold by Philip Pullman, though not retold in the way we tend to think of fairy tale retellings. They don't depart hugely from the original stories. As Pullman puts it in the introduction, he tried to tell the stories in the clearest way possible, cutting anything that could interrupt the story. The biggest difference I'm noticing is the dialogue. For me, original fairy tale dialogue tends to sound a little stilted. Pullman's dialogue is smooth and realistic and sweet and funny in places. I've really enjoyed listening to the stories in the car, letting them wash over me one after another. 

In the fairy tale vein, I read Cinder by Marissa Meyer this week. I enjoyed it so much. It's everything you want in a fairy tale retelling. The author took the bones of the story of Cinderella and made it totally her own. I really enjoyed the far-future, East Asian setting, and loved that Cinder is a cyborg working as a mechanic with a sketchy past. I especially liked Iko, Cinder's android sidekick with a "defective" personality, who made me laugh a bunch of times. I will certainly pick up Scarlet, the sequel, which I'm excited about because, along with continuing Cinder's story, it also retells Little Red Riding Hood. 

I can't believe Rapture of the Deep is the seventh Bloody Jack book I've read. I listen to them on audio because the narrator, Katherine Kellgren, is flat-out amazing. This book takes Jacky on a mission for the British crown to retrieve a massive amount of sunken treasure from the bottom of the Caribbean Sea. This has to be one of my favorites in the series. I loved the underwater scenes and the Caribbean setting (Jacky visits Havana where she has several memorable scenes participating in cock fights--are any of us who know Jacky surprised?). There was also a terrifying scene with crocodiles that made me scream in the car. The next Bloody Jack book takes Jacky to Asia and an Australian penal colony. Can't wait!

What did you read this week?

So Many Favorite Things

My favorite GIF right now. She is perfect in every way.

Favorite of the pilot previews. Once Upon at Time in Wonderland. When I first heard of this spin-off, I was reluctant in the extreme, but this looks absolutely incredible. I adore a good insane asylum plot, and the costumes, sets, and actors are all working it. I hope this is as awesome as it looks.

Favorite class project. We made "gold" for our Gold Rush time capsules. True, the students learned nothing other than the best way to cover the entire hands in glitter, but it was fun. I'm pretty sure I still have glitter in my lungs, however.

Oh, and I just realized I haven't watered Steve Urkel, the class plant, in like three weeks.

Favorite movie right now. How did it take me this long to watch Tangled? It's a fairy-tale retelling, for Pete's sake. This movie was almost perfect. Maximus and Pascal pretty much made it for me. There's something about an insane horse that I find hilarious. 

And, finally, my favorite thing in the wooooorld right now. My niece Addie was born a couple of weeks ago and I already think she is the most amazing thing ever. I've been around babies before--but she is something else. 

Aliens, 80's Romance, and Lannisters

This post is inspired by the Friday Reads posts on Emily Lloyd Jones' blog. Let's get cracking!

I'm so stoked for Rick Yancey and all the buzz The 5th Wave has gotten. His writing is brilliant and deserves to be celebrated. I'm about half-way through and am starting to get completely engrossed. I didn't know much about the plot before I started, just that it's about an alien invasion. Rick Yancey is smart in withholding information about the aliens. It's like they say about horror films--the longer they delay showing the monster, the scarier it'll be because the viewer's imagination is worse than any amount of CGI could be. I'm also fascinated in how much of a chameleon Yancey is; the writing in this book is completely different to that in the Monstrumologist series, in a really interesting way.

I listened to Eleanor & Park on audio. I'm sure the book would've been great to read, but I really recommend it on audio. The voice actors did such a beautiful job of conveying the vulnerability, humor, and pain of these characters. I felt at times the dialogue and narration grew a little too precious in describing Eleanor and Park's love, and I found their friendship to be the most compelling part of the book, but in general I was swept up in the characters and their truly authentic voices.

And finally, I don't even know how long I've been reading Clash of Kings (*cough* months) but it's 1000 pages long so I'll cut myself some slack. I listened to the first book on audio and didn't enjoy it hugely. My patience and generosity toward books plummets when I listen to audiobooks (I think that might have something to do with the deplorable conditions of my commute). I thought the experience might be better with a physical book, and I was right. I can really appreciate the pacing, characterizations, and descriptions by reading the physical book. Also, I can skim over tedious parts, which happen...frequently.

In all, it was a good week in reading. What did you read this week? 

The Post-Deadline

My deadline has passed and I've turned in my revision of Minnow. I could sleep for a million years. I'm only now coming out of the fog of it, that feeling you get when you've stared at a piece of writing for so long you start calling people in real life character names from your book (...which happened). It was such a privilege to get to do the edits, and to have editors who understand Minnow and gave such thoughtful suggestions. I'm really happy with all of the changes. 

Writing on a deadline was different from any kind of writing I've ever done. Luckily, this wasn't the kind of deadline where it's the last time I'll get to work on the book (that deadline is July 15). The time restriction was really challenging. I spent several hours everyday after school revising, so that there was basically not a waking moment when I wasn't working. It was exhausting. I started to get really irritated whenever my roommates would say "We never see you!" because in my head, it sounded like "You suck at life! You are neglecting everything!"

This GIF is never not applicable. 

I've always felt the teaching dream and the writing dream have been a little at odds. Both want to consume every moment of your attention. It hasn't been much of a problem, though, because writing has always fit into the extra spaces of my time. I've written whole books like that, piecemeal, and I don't think the quality has suffered. 

Until this deadline. The thing about that kind of tedious editing is that, for me at least, you don't really get into the book for, like, 45 minutes. It takes that long to get into a groove. That's why lots of writers hole themselves up in cabins and hotel rooms to finish editing. You need long stretches of uninterrupted time. I didn't have that. I had small chunks after I'd already worked a full day. It was tough, and most of the time I felt like I was just barely treading water. I got ragingly sick one day around my deadline. It was a weird sickness--my entire head felt like it was being stabbed by vibrating metal needles, and I was so dizzy when I moved around, I threw up (I haven't thrown up since I was twelve). I think it was a migraine, and I'm fairly certain it was brought on by exhaustion and anxiety. I'm also certain I never want to feel like that again. Pushing your limits is great. Running headlong into them until you keel over is another thing. I'm learning these things. 

The experience has taught me so much about what activities in my life are sustainable. It's also made me ask lots of questions about what I want out of life and the direction my future will take. I'm optimistic. 

The WHYs of Minnow

First of all, can we all just stop to appreciate this baby wombat, because come on. 

I'm making my way through edits of Minnow and I've come to a strange realization. I am faced with, for the first time, the idea of Minnow being done. That thought has literally never crossed my mind before. In the past, when I've been a little dissatisfied with the cadence of a certain sentence, or can't quite find the perfect word for something, I've contented myself with the knowledge that I can always go back and fix it in a later draft. But, soon, there won't be any later drafts. Time is running out. 

As I type new things, this image has taken over my mind: the letters and words forming themselves not onto a computer screen but directly onto a printed page in a physical book. This is terrifying! This is anxiety-making! 

I know it's totally psychological. I know I've got everything I need to finish this book the way I want, so I just need to get my head right. I've been watching a crap-ton of TED talks recently, and I watched an amazing one yesterday by Simon Sinek titled "How great leaders inspire action." The title is a little misleading because it's basically about how anyone can produce a product that people want as long as they have a good reason for making it. "People don't buy what you're selling, they buy why you're selling it." Sinek argues that the why behind what you're creating is more important than the thing itself. If you don't have the why, you won't be successful no matter how awesome your product is. 

I reminded myself of the whys of Minnow and I felt immediately better. I have so many whys.

• Because I believe in the YA novel as a medium. It is ideal for me, and ideal for Minnow.  I don't believe in censoring or pulling punches, and YA is OK with that. 
• Because communities like Minnow's have existed throughout history, exist today, and will probably exist for all time. I read a lot about isolated religious groups and cults, and found that the ingredients are fairly predictable--a charismatic leader, a group of people who are motivated to follow. The results of these communities are often equally easy to predict--a disenfranchised, manipulated, often abused population, particularly young women. Minnow is my attempt to tell their stories. 
• Because I believe that a YA novel is an ideal environment to tell the stories of young people grappling with religion and faith. 
• Because there's not enough discussion of religion in YA and there really should be. For many people on this planet, religious belief or lack thereof is an important part of their lives and shapes the way they see the world. The fact that we don't address that more, in a frank and honest way, is a shame. 
• Because, at this point, I owe it to these characters to tell their story in the best way I can. 

It's sort of my Minnow mission statement. If I can keep my eye on these truths, I think I'll make it through these edits with a product I'm proud of.